May 28, 2007
paris je t'aime
...in which 18 directors set about proving it's impossible to make an interesting five to ten minute movie in Paris. The only ones who come close (Oliver Schmitz, Tom Tykwer) do so by approximating longer narratives via heavy flashbacking. Because otherwise it just can't be done.
15) Smokin' Aces (nothing)
14) Factory Girl (wasn't Smokin' Aces)
13) Paris je t'aime (wasn't Smokin' Aces; didn't have Hayden Christenson)
12) Dreamgirls (the club sets; Eddie Murphy's Marvin Gaye skullcap)
11) Avenue Montaigne (the one brief image of the young Dani)
10) Notes on a Scandal (Bill Nighy dancing)
9) Blades of Glory (ambient Ferrellage)
8) Disturbia (strange racialized decision to have best friend recreate the standard John Cho performance)
7) Alpha Dog (Justin Timberlake in general)
6) Shooter (Mark Wahlberg dressed as a frickin' yeti for the final showdown; Ned Beatty's career-long conversion into Buford T. Justice)
5) Backstage (Isild LeBesco's facial physiognomy; plausibility of such drecky pop being huge in France)
4) Grindhouse (Fake trailers, muscle cars, and a wrecker named Killdozer)
3) The Host (brief familial hallucination of feeding the lost child; Kang-ho Song's facial expressions)
2) Children of Men (blood on the lens for long tracking shot; Clive Owen's slumped shoulders)
1) Pan's Labyrinth (Spanish Winona Ryder; Harold & the Purple Crayon riff; title better in English)