January 20, 2006
journal, 7 February 2001
The horror of recalling in detail some day of no particular import from twenty years ago should not be confused with vertigo. The vertigo comes from the skewed perspective of double vision: one sees suddenly the street down which one walked some day long ago laid over the boulevard along which one walks at this moment; those passing buildings laid over these; those unknown passersby over the present bustle of equally anonymous citizens, going about their equally opaque business; and feels like one could fall from one scene to the other without effort or notice. But the horror is something else entirely; it comes with the effort of suppressing the awareness that, some day twenty years in the future, you might recall this day with just such material force, and be equally shocked to discover the absence of important or even meaningful events in your daily life. It is the threat that any future moment might return you to today and you will finally come to know, really know, your own banality.
Posted by jane at January 20, 2006 09:42 PM | TrackBack